You’d prepared yourself for the sleepless nights and the dirty nappies, you’d even prepared yourself for the “baby blues”. But what you hadn’t prepared for, is an overwhelming feeling of anxiety and dread.
Research suggests that around 1 in 5 women will experience a Post-Natal Anxiety Disorder (Fawcett, 2019). Symptoms might be:
So here’s a quick breakdown of why this is happening, and what you can try and do to manage it…
Why Do I Feel So Anxious After Having A Baby?
All anxiety is really just our inability to tolerate uncertainty. When something is unknown, it’s a potential danger. When you have a new baby, the uncertainty is huge. You have the day-to-day uncertainty; Did they feed enough today? Will they sleep tonight? But then you have the much bigger, scarier uncertainties; Will they get sick? Will they die? Will I be a terrible parent?
Your brain goes to the worst possible scenario it can imagine.
Thanks brain, just what you wanted at 1am.
These thoughts understandably make us feel anxious, so we try and manage that with reassurance. We want to feel more certain that the worst case scenario is not going to happen. That might look like…
Now of course these things are all reasonable to an extent. Everyone uses Google and most people will keep things clean. But the problem comes when you rely on these behaviours and when they start to impact on your life. You become stuck in a vicious cycle of high anxiety, needing certainty and control.
How To Manage Post-Natal Anxiety?
The first thing you can do is get better at noticing and questioning your anxiety. What is it I’m really worrying about here?
Ask yourself do I need to ACT on this thought, or do I need to DISTRACT?
For example… if your child has a developed a concerning rash, that’s probably something you want to ACT on. If you are worrying that you used the wrong washing powder and that might give them a rash, you need to DISTRACT.
Try and resist the urge to check or seek reassurance online. The internet is not your friend when you feel anxious. At first this might be hard, but overtime you will see that things are OK, even when you don’t have all the answers.
Accept Uncertainty. Focus on the real-life problems you need to deal with (of which there are many!) and not the “what if?” worries in your head. We can’t know for certain that something bad won’t happen. But we have to live in the present moment.
Work on making time in your day to switch off. You are likely running on adrenaline all day. Even 5 – 10 minutes of mindfulness/calming breathing/stretching can make a huge difference to how you feel physically and mentally.
And if you’re really struggling, get professional help. Reach out to one of HelloSelf’s trusted therapists to support you through this.
Written by HelloSelf Therapist, Katie Fowler
References:
Fawcett, E. J., Fairbrother, N., Cox, M. L., White, I. R., & Fawcett, J. M. (2019). The prevalence of anxiety disorders during pregnancy and the postpartum period: a multivariate Bayesian meta-analysis. The Journal of clinical psychiatry, 80(4), 1181.
